Preparation

_babyprepWe are having an “adventure day” tomorrow. Well, actually, we are just going into the city. Lately, we have made good progress on the acceptable drink when out, but it’s still true that I think carefully about what I put in my bag, where we are going (and where we can make breaks) when we go for a longer outing. It’s important to have adventures though. See new things, get in new situations. Learn to prepare, to say when it’s too much and also to cope when we cannot immediately change it.  Or when Mum took the wrong kind of drink.
(“red juice” is apple-blackcurrant. still his favourite.)

nb: I made a new FAQ page and changed the header.. – check it out? 😉 

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Preparation

  1. The Ron

    Yep, I can relate to the youngster. There are times when an interruption in my well-planned-out day gets me so upset that I lose my coping skills & want to retreat to safety.

    Like

    Reply
  2. 85mechboy

    Reblogged this on Mech Boy Universe and commented:
    Still doing this myself but have had to teach him to get what he needs himself besides the things he just can’t. Such example is the fact that he has his own backpack and I have my own backpack. He wants what he needs or wants in his backpack. I do the same. If you forget something that he wants sometimes it’s as simple as he remembers it next time. Other times it is complicated as buying something that we already have because I still need to be out and do what I need to do and he needs to be with me. That’s something that neurotypical don’t understand. At least they never have in my circles. If you can call people that you meet throughout your day your circles. Circles might be reserved for close intimate relationships or maybe work acquaintances. It seems very fluent the way people use it that’s what I’m trying to say. Anyway, they don’t understand, they think it’s ridiculous that I should buy something we already have. When it becomes an issue they look at it as me being a bad parent I think because of the looks we get. I don’t know and I can’t pretend to know what they thank or what is right to other people. All I know is what I know and that’s all I can use to get by with. I know my son better than anyone else. But everyone else thinks they know better than me what he needs. People blog about things and in their own perspective beside what is right or wrong for artists to children without even consulting them. I consult my child. I make him a part of the process. Because this is his life I’m just guiding him through it. A lot of people don’t give children credit for even having brains is how it seems to me. Even children who arent autistic get treated like they couldn’t possibly know what’s good for them at any point in time. I grew up with a mother and a father who did their best from what limited parenting skills were getting them by their parents. And I have had to read a lot of books just to understand what having children really meant for me. Even after having my child and realizing that I would do anything to protect him and that no one could stop me unless they killed me I still needed to know what it meant to be safe in our modern world where every new parenting class/book/tactic is hoisted up on a pedestal and seemingly saying the same things.
    I look at like we’re all different even if children are unable to make some really major like decision because they don’t understand the affect it may have in their life that does not disclude them their life. By no means would I ever put my son in a situation that he has not proven he can handle by himself. Yet the court systems do tend to put children in those very situations simply because they will not or cannot be bothered to take the time to understand what relationships are happening inside of a family unit. And the unacceptable amount of children each year that are hurt by teachers by those they should be able to trust tells us that we can’t always be sure if they will be safe. I think the best way to be sure if your child will tell you what’s going on is to be open with that child about what’s going on. If they’re always told that they don’t know enough to know what they want or what they think or any of that they may not trust themselves later on when it’s necessary that they do so. When it’s necessary that they speak up. When it’s necessary that they don’t just go along with things.
    My point is my parents did not know this did not go along with knowing who I was so that they could understand what I needed. They decided that I was going to go their way. When I could not go their way I was treated like you would treat a dog who has messed itself on your carpet. That is never ever the way to treat a child. I have come to know recently that my parents did not have as good of parents as I had even though so I can understand now how they could tell me they had done their best and truly believe what they were saying. I can do better however. So I read books I look into what my son tells me about things I teach him things that he asks me about and some things that he does not ask me about on him about his world I make sure he knows what I know as much as humanly possible. At his age level and also at his understanding level. But I also make sure that I know how he sees things. I don’t just assume I know because of what he says to me. I asked him about what he says to me. When my son says he does not want to do something I respect that. When he says he does not want to do something that I feel would be good for him we discuss why he does not want to do it and I discuss why I would want him to do it or have it. It does not come down the line like an order to a subordinate. A lot of people see this as silly and unnecessary and over parenting. I simply want a relationship with my child when they are older and I am not willing to start it when they’re older. I want that relationship to grow from here to when they’re older so that we have clear lines of communication the whole way through. if I shut him down and don’t explain what’s going on and don’t respect him like a fellow human being and give him choice and give him agency he does not have to and most likely won’t want me in his life when he is older. But what’s more he won’t respect me either. I know that I have a hard time respecting my parents and they did treat me that way. What’s more I don’t know how to treat my son like I see other parents do. People are interesting to me. I people watch a lot. I do understand most of what goes on so far as the biological and when you feel happy with your child what it looks like. But I don’t understand a lot of the families that I see . They have this duty look or feel about them like they’re just going through the motions I could never do that. I understand people get overworked people get tired but when I do I just don’t have any resemblance to the going through the motions looks that I see it feels like watching dead people move around and walk and it creeps me out and makes me worried for the children. Maybe it’s considered normal to feel or look like you feel like you could care less if one of your children get run over but I can’t even favim having children if I could possibly feel that way. It seems unnatural. I’ve been told that my views on parenting and life in general are very biological and primal minded so this could be it, this could be the reason why I feel this way. I don’t know. I don’t know what other parents experience other than the ques I’ve learned to see and what they mean when I see them. I don’t know what other parents experience other than to see what they must be experiencing if they’ve let their children just go into dangerous areas ill equipped to do so. So me and my son we pack together we play together we learn together and hopefully I can keep him safe and not ever have that moment where he should be here so that I can continue to be his father be sure of his safety but he is not because of something that was allowed to go on that should not have been going on when I could not protect him from it. Yes I keep him prepared for his life The Age news at and yes I’m there to shield him from the things that no child should have to deal with when they’re just children but I can’t shield him from neurotypical people who are ignorant of who and what they are dealing with. I can’t shield him from a government that thinks they know what’s best for families but does no effort in the area of getting to know those families before they make that final decision that will empact those same family’s.
    And I totally understand why they cannot make that effort but putting themselves in the position of the only people who can make that decision when a divorce or family issues like this comes up is premature at best. It probably solved a lot of problems. It probably did a lot of good. But what that actually does when you get in between family matters and you’re too big or there is too many to actually do a good job at it, it is a lot more damaging than good for those families. And those families aren’t as few and far between as they would have you believe. So I prepare my son. And I hope that it’s enough. And I make sure that I make everyday count just in case it’s not.

    Like

    Reply
    1. suburp Post author

      oh, i firmly believe in BIG handbags, too.. =)
      update: today went really well, there was a big protest in the city (i wanted him to see it re: democracy) and it was really hot. time in a big (air conditioned) ferris wheel (by ourselves in the cabin) was a great place to cool off and calm down. he insisted on icecream rather than slushee, very leaky with the heat, so i realized I should really still carry baby wipes, he REALLY needed his hands clean and there wasn’t a toilet close, soo.. well. Apart from that, really great day!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

leave a reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s