Our year continues with more trouble in school. Nemo still has daily support (the new aide is kind and calm) and they have now been willing to trial a few preventive solutions I have put to them (quiet lunches, respite days), but his current reflex to swear and get angry (at least that’s what it looks like) in situations of stress, is taking a bit of a toll on the ‘support team’. On me too, to be quite honest, but since things are rather chill at home in terms of expectations and environment, I simply do not have the Rumpelstielzchen experience on a daily basis, and there is only so much I can do when he is in school. Needless to say, that we do NOT swear like sailors at home, we do not condone it at all and I understand the school has to draw a line…But I still believe that the use of swearwords in moments of distress does not prove he is making the conscious choice to be ‘naughty’ or whatever?! Will be really thankful for any input…
To say that Nemo has had a bit of a rocky start into the new school year, is probably putting it mildly. . Today, I had a meeting with his brand new ‘case manager’. I am hoping for a fresh start, he likes her… I also think that I made it quite clear she has to jump in on it and get him out of the spiral of stress situations and disciplinary measures in the school. I am not totally contesting them (there was swearing, running off and kicking things.. and people) But just telling him to count to ten and breath when things are getting too much…just not good enough!
Yeah, not so sure about this day.. The meeting was incredibly awkward, I felt that the suspension was as much meant as a “wake-up call” for me as for Nemo. Which might be necessary for some parents, but I am kinda ‘all over it’ already, at least as much as I personally can be (because, you know : life). In brief, I felt judged and the whole ‘formalisation’ (reports, letters, behaviour contract) made me feel like it has more effect on administrative, and possible legal, follow-up (in case of what ?) than actually being efficient steps towards handling the situation (ie managing anxiety and anger).
Having had some really sad news the night before (re: life..), I really couldn’t say much at all.
But I told Nemo that I loved him, no matter what.
I have vague memories of court cases in Europe, in the 80s. Greedy, unscrupulous quax had taken the last money from desperate parents of children suffering from cancer, providing them with completely absurd – and totally inefficient – treatments or ‘cures’.
I always thought those were despicable crimes: profiting of the fear and desperation of others, potentially pulling them away from actual medical treatment or at least relief and rest, and even inflicting further, unnecessary pain to a victim who often has no say at all.
Desperation makes people do a lot of crazy things.
But it still shocks me every time, when I read about the incredible and monstrous treatments that some people inflict on their own autistic children, 30 years later. It has to stop!
First of all: I am not against medication to help dealing with severe and debilitating mental issues, like depression or bipolar disorder, but also anxiety, PTSD and other stress related illnesses. And these can all be comorbidities of autism. So can ADHD, which I believe is increasingly diagnosed in autistic children. Medication can show good results, temporarily or long-term with all of these conditions. But when this was basically the first and ONLY therapy my paediatrician proposed, on “diagnosis day”, I was just disappointed. There is no ‘autism pill’, right? I think his duty would have been to tell me how to start HELPING my son, what to change at home, at school, to adjust expectations and methods, to help my son thrive! Instead, I went home with the my son’s TRIPLE diagnosis of ASD & ADHD & ODD, a lot of questions…and a recommendation to buy fish oil.